Poem Portal #37: High Hopes

So guess what happened between my last post on April 3rd 2015 and now? I stopped being a writer, right? Disappeared off the face of the Earth? Lost all interest in sharing poetry with a handful of random passersby who were searching for something completely different when they stumbled across my website? Actually, not even that last one, no.

I had two kids. May 10th 2015 I became a mom. My second child is almost one now, and with my novels slowly getting written in some precious 10:00ish to 12:00ish me time each night, I have also got to thinking that my poem portal aka public diary is due for fresh attention. Being a megalomaniac (as most writers are), I am enjoying looking back on these for my own entertainment. So if you are another person reading this: bonus!

Picking up right where I left off over three years ago, this poem was written as a song: one of the most self-pitying songs in my planned musical. This musical of mine may or may not ever get fully written, but ideas for it have been an anomaly in my head for many years now. It’s a self-indulgent exploration of a new writer’s dream – she goes to a special place in her sleep to meet other writers from different walks of life. This is a sad, reflective moment for one of those frequent disappointments all writers face.

I don’t expect the world to need me, want me, even like me,

Never fooled myself with delusions and dreams,

I only begged the world to weave me into its pattern,

A single thread that wouldn’t matter, only to me,

In answer to my pleas

The world tightened its seams

Now there’s no room for any thread to make it through.

I’ll wander on for years while a few months slowly pass,

Survive every day in the hopes one will change,

Hiding behind false confidence, I’m always off-guard

A smile, nod, a single word sets my feet on clouds,

It’s a long way down,

And soon I know that I will fall,

But I’ll find the sky every time and fall down again.

On solid ground I’m safe from harm,

But inevitably,

Give me a pinch of rocket dust,

And the moon’s where I will be.

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By jcmlott

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