I am proud to be Canadian. Canadians love hockey, right? Let’s rephrase that to be accurate: many Canadians who are into sports love hockey. Unfortunately for hockey night in Canada, I grew up a sci-fi geek with zero appreciation for any sports whatsoever. This meant I became very unpatriotic when hockey interfered with Star Trek. In May 2001 (when I was 13), major interference occurred. The airing of the series finale of Voyager was delayed by a hockey game in overtime. I knew that once the hockey game was finally over, Voyager would be the program we joined “already in progress”; I’d have to wait for a re-run to see the whole episode.
While I waited, I wrote this song (to the tune of “The Good Old Hockey Game”):
Chorus: Oh the bad old hockey game
Is the worst game you can name!
And the worst game you can name
Is the bad old hockey game!
Verse 1: The day is fair, I couldn’t care,
It’s Voyager tonight!
Tension grows, we sit in rows,
And await the treat of the night!
The adults call and the children fall,
Before the blaring screen,
Someone roars: “What a bore!” It’s a dreadful hockey scene!
Verse 2: Will Chokotay die? Will Janeway fly
The Starship home to France?
Will the baby live? Will Seven give
Her emotions one more chance?
Will Neelix come? Will the doctor become a normal man on Earth?
We could’ve known, but the show’s been thrown into hateful hockey turf!
Verse 3: It isn’t fair, they couldn’t care,
But what of us? We’ll make a fuss,
They mustn’t have their way!
We’ve waited long, so I sing this song,
In hopes of good TV,
We’re in suspense, but they’ve no sense,
It’s a hockey catastrophe!